"Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to
new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints
on our hearts, and we are never ever the same."
~ Flavia Weedn

Success!

The monkey has been located....


I think I'd lose my head right now if it weren't screwed on...

Missing

And now we have one missing monkey. If Monkey Toes is at anyone's house, please let me know... I'm just as upset about the stupid monkey as I am my missing wedding ring. Did I mention this week has SUCKED????

Our week... not nearly enough pics...

Yep, not so many pics, eh? We were ... distracted...


I ought to write out some thank you cards....

Some pics of her grave...

Here's some piccies of her gravesite. We took all the flowers out of their vases and "decorated" her grave (see the pic with Ike Ike in it...), then planted wildflower seed and a fern. It was lovely. :)

OKay... so the widget on the side is a list of some of my recommendations and if you buy from following my link, I get credits on Amazon... *snerk*

Just thought I'd explain.

Mom's Tribute Video played at her memorial...

Seems I've lost my wedding ring and my mother all in one week.

Thanks...

Just wanted to thank all of you for your thoughts and well wishes these last 2 weeks. We are now in the process of cleaning out the apartment. It's harder than I anticipated, and I've been taking pictures of her clothes and shoes ( how silly...). I can't take all of them with me and they are so quintessentially her.... all the way down to the light up flip flops...

We went out on tuesday and found a piece of granite to have engraved as her headstone/marker thingy. It was perfect. Like it was made for it's purpose. I will take pictures of it and share when I get it back next week. I am anxious to get home. I hope it will be done by Monday so I can take it to the funeral home and get on my way back home. I don't know if that's good or bad, but I am ready to get this stuff finished. It's hard. I would like to stay and see the headstone placed at her grave, but I don't know how long it will take them to do that.

Nathan and David went back to AL today. Matthew and Connie left super early this morning also. So it's back to me and the two little guys.

So for any of you who have been through this before... what do I get rid of? I can't keep everything, though it's not like she had that much. I guess I'll keep all but the clothes.... hm.

I haven't mentioned much about the service, guess I should. It was lovely. I don't feel like going over it right now, so I'm gonna copy a post from my friend Kristin's blog. Hopefully she won't mind! There were so many lovely tributes to my mom on various friends' blogs. I'm so grateful for my many, many friends!

"""On Monday, we flew down to Houston and back for the funeral of a special woman named Gail. We had the opportunity to have Gail live with us for a year while she was undergoing cancer treatment in Houston. Living with Gail was a lot of fun. She is a vivacious person who loved life.
Gail had a green funeral. I had never heard of this before, but it was truly the most beautiful funeral I have ever witnessed. Gail's body was not preserved and she was not buried in a coffin. Her body was wrapped in muslin by some of her dearest friends and then draped in a beautiful white cloth. I was reminded of Christ being wrapped in muslin by the women who prepared his body. Then as I saw Gail's body lying there draped in the cloth, I couldn't help but think that she was a bit like Maid Marian or Ophelia or some other romatic figure. Gail had all female pall bearers which was also so appropriate for her and her resting place looked like a forest. It was peaceful, beautiful and natural.
Her funeral was very personal with tributes from each of her three children and two musical numbers sung a capella. David (Kristin's hubby) sang one of them and he did a beautiful job. Per Gail's request, there was a jump house out behind the church for the children to play. She made all of her friends promise to jump - and they did. I think the entire day was a great tribute to her and I think she would have really enjoyed it.
Goodbye, Gail. We'll miss you."""

So that's what it was. The bounce house was a hit, and Matthew and I ran out and jumped in it after the service, followed by mom's dear friends. I wished I had been out there during that little ceremony!!!

Anyways, we've been very blessed during the last several weeks. The yayas stepped up and took care of so many things for me, and that made it so much easier for me to deal with her loss and just focus on spending time with her. They even brought me diapers! And my Spring friends were so fantastic, watching the boys for me so I didn't have to worry about them.

Thank you all. And those of you who sent cards and well wishes!!!

Wow.

I'm so very tired. Physically and emotionally drained. Part of me wants to tell everyone to just go away... the other part wants to ... no wait, both parts of me want to tell everyone to go away... problem is I wanna go away too. Far away.

I know I should be focusing on telling all of you about the funeral and such, and I will, but it will probably be tomorrow. I am very beat right now and just wanna curl up and have a good cry. Tomorrow, we have some things we have to finish... go get a head stone thingy... and take the flowers out to her grave. I will tell you this though, the graveside service was beautiful. Quiet and lovely. And so very sweet. The chapel memorial was nice as well. Beautiful music. But I am tired now. I think I am so drained and tired that I can't even cry for very long. The eyes tear up and then I just seem to shut down. I'm just tired.



DId I mention that I'm tired?

Done.

Mom passed away this afternoon.

2:53 pm...

We will be having the service tomorrow afternoon, graveside for family and close friends at 3:00 and then the memorial service at the church at 4:30pm followed by the wake. We would like anyone who can to attend. It would mean a lot to me.... well, us.

Tired.

That word hardly even begins to cover it. I am feeling really lazy right now, so if you want a detailed update, scroll down and follow the link to MattnConnie's blog. That pretty much sums it up.

I'm grateful for the time I've had with my brothers. It has been nice rebonding with them.

I am amazed and confused by mom's ... tenacity(?)...

I am exhausted because we haven't been getting any sleep and last night was our no-sleep-climax... we're all beat. Looks like a massacre in here, bodies strewn across the floor...

I'm impressed by my brothers' calm when I was totally losing it last night. (again, see mattnconnie's blog)

Mostly, I'm just tired. It's hard to focus on what you're feeling when you are almost numb...

This is one roller coaster ride I wanna get off.

Friday Morning

I am not sure how much more of this I can take. I feel like I'm gonna lose my flippin' mind.

It's a testament to how strong she was, and how big a heart she had that she is still holding on. Is it wrong that I wanna scream at her to just go, already? Probably. And Selfish too. It's just been such a long fight and I don't just mean the last couple weeks/days. I keep thinking she's got to have some reason for hanging around and what am I not doing to help ease the transition??

more

I'm so anxious for Matthew to get here now. Her BP is 70 over 40 now. And her pulse is going up to compensate. I wish I knew more people's phone numbers...

Tuesday so far

Frank is here now. Matthew will be here this afternoon.

When Frank got here, and we told her he was here, her eyes flew open. I know she has been waiting to see her boys.

Will post more soon.

Monday... so far.

Her nurse came. She was amazed at how quickly she's changed.

Crisis Care will be here tonight and will be here 24/7 now.

Matthew comes in Wed night, Frank comes in Thursday at 1:00.

Update later...

Amen.

Sunday

This website helped me today.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/cancer/CA00048

Today hasn't been quite as stressful. Lorraine, Marilyn, and Rachel all came over for a while so I could get the boys out, and my dear sweet friends here have arranged to take the kids everyday this week, and some next week. We also have meals every night starting Thursday.

She's about the same as yesterday. I am still amazed at how quickly this has happened.

Frustrating!

DAMN Odyssey to hell for not giving us the tools we need to do this. I need a bedside commode, or mattress pads. I'm surprised she didn't just break her hip. She doesn't want me to talk about it on here. She just called me in there and told me. My poor mom. I can't do this alone. It's not physically(!!!) possible.

Hmmmm

OKay so the nurse just came... *yeah, I know you're busy but it's not like i freaking call you here every damn day so don't act like a jerk*...

*deep breath* He thinks it's more progression of the disease than ammonia. Are her ammonia levels high? Probably. But he says hew thinks it's just progression of the disease. So, do my bros need to come now? He said no. They would be fine waiting, cause she's still young. Which will also make this more lengthy, cause her body is still resilient. But he said it may have even spread to the brain now. Gheez I hope not. SHe already hates being flighty in the head. I don't want this to drag on for her.

And she has low blood pressure so she is weak and will fall if she tries to stand. Makes it hard to do this alone here.

Questions?

...

And will someone tell me why the damn remote for my digital cable won't work!!!?!?!??!

More

Go Here to learn why I worry so much today!


She has Lactalose!!!! No one told her it would prevent this, they just told her it would make her poop. It made her EXPLODE. So she hasn't wanted to take it. I haven't pushed it. Just given her sennakot to help her poop, which she isn't doing. Or peeing. If I had KNOWN!!! I would have forced her to take it. As it is, she hasn't pooped, and I've given her two doses since this a.m. when I learned this from one of my online harry potter friends who is a nurse!!! UGH!!!! Why aren't they here yet so I can talk about this!?!?! Odyssey Hospice is not going in my happy book for today.

Rough day...

Mom hasn't been herself. Her muscle control is going. Can't hold a fork. Really wanted to go to Garden Ridge today so we did. Didn't know if I should take her, but she wanted to go. She couldn't hold the handle on the little cart forward to make it go any more than like 4 feet at a time. No strength, and she kept blaming it on the cart, saying it wanted to stop her. Been sleeping since we got home, woke her for drugs twice, and to move her from couch to bed. She nearly fell again walking. She has no strength. I had a minor breakdown tonight, and realized hospice was sucking at their job. Called for a nurse to come and see her. Still waiting for her to show up. Not very happy with them. I told the triage nurse my concerns, and she said they would send someone out, but there's was not much they could do. Uh, hell yes, there is. You can come and help me so I'm not doing this by MYSELF! I know I need to ask for more help. It's just that she's gotten so much worse so fast. I need the nurses to come here and tell me if she'll snap out of this, or if this is it and I need to get my brothers here now. UGH!

I need to ask for more help I need to ask for more help I need to ask for more help... I know this. I will... tomorrow.

Tonight I just want them to come and see her and assess... asses.

Okay...

So, that didn't quite keep me smiling all day.

Mom woke up this morning feeling great. Her pain from yesterday was all gone, so we gave her a shower and then she laid down on the couch and had something to eat. Frank called, which made her happy, and the boys watched cartoons for a bit. About lunch time she was getting a little more sleepy, and by the afternoon she was not making sense, not understanding me, and having muscle spasms. I just called the nurse. I'm worried her hypercalcemia is coming back, which scares me. All week long, I've been like 'Oh she's gonna be around for while.' And then she has a day like this. She's been sleeping all day, and it worries me when she almost passes out mid-sentence. We were watching Spongebob and she was taking it VERy seriously, which was both amusing, and scared the heck outta me.

Anyways, I'm waiting for a nurse to call me back.

Don't anyone freak out. I'll post again when I hear something. I just needed to vent... the boys are in bed. Thank heavens for that.

I got a few minutes while the baby is asleep...

ROFLMBO!!!!! This one might keep me smiling all day!

*snerk* Hold on let me find some leaves to wear...

What Mythical Creature are you? Your Result: Nymph   Nymphs are known for being extraordinarily beautiful. Unlike other mythical creatures, Nymphs are completely unselfish and do not always realize their beauty. Because of this naivette, they are easily taken advantage of. Nymphs are quite innocent and devoted. They have one main passion in life, and devote themselves to it. As a Nymph, you are pure of heart, playful, and very free spirited.
Vampire
Siren
Elf
Werewolf
What Mythical Creature are you? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Yeah, I really like how my second result would have been vampire!!! :P

Well, here goes...

So, I got here, after an 11 hour drive, on Saturday night. Three of mom's friends from Nashville were here visiting for the weekend, which was nice for her. Sunday, she had to give a talk in church and she did a great job. She sat up front in a little chair just like the elderly general authorities at conference. After, we came home and then drove over to an apartment complex that I had researched and wanted to put down a deposit. So, we checked it out and it was a very nice little 2 bedroom, one bath place with washer dryer et al. But I had reservations about it. For one, the patio doors opened onto about 4 feet of patio, then a sidewalk, and on the other side of the sidewalk, about 7 feet from the door, was the lake. Yeah, likely one of my kids would have somehow ended up in it. And it was kind of out of the way, and I like being close to her friends and the help. We probably have 3 or 4 people stop by every day to see her. I am really, truly lucky to be coming back here to Texas for this. I have an amazing support group here. So many friends have offered to put us up, or watch my kids, or even help home-school David when he comes. While I like the ward in Alabama, and I'm sure they would have stepped up to the plate, it's just not the same as coming home to people who have known you for years and who have been with you through some tough crap.
Anywho... Needless to say, I didn't go with the apartment. I had done so much research and on paper it seemed so right, but that night after viewing it, we had a heart to heart (at 2 am) and she told me that she just didn't want to see me saddled with a six month lease, because she didn't think she was going to be around much longer. Monday, we went to the bank and picked up some things to make her little 1 bedroom place here a little more comfortable. Tuesday, we went to the Funeral Home and arranged things. It is such a NICE place, and the owner actually drove all the way across town to meet with us, since his local manager was out with his kids (it being a holiday and all...) So we got that squared away, and we drove out to the cemetary. It's lovely. Very small, very new, just a handful of people buried there so far. They have a small section called, uh, Living Oaks, I think, where they do the "green burials" which is what she has always wanted. There is another "green" cemetary in Houston but it is like break out the GPS, no grave markers, and oh yeah, they're putting in a highway or some such thing so we can't promise your grave won't be desecrated. Green burials are becoming increasingly popular and I am glad that she has found such a classy place that provides it for her. After going to the funeral home, she slept.
Yesterday, we went for groceries, and then she slept. Today, she slept most of the day. They came and hooked us up to cable and internet (WAHOOOOOOO!) today and then we sat around and waited for them to deliver the hospital bed and wheelchair... which they never did. They called though and said they'd be here tomorrow.
Mostly, she sleeps. She is in some pain, and is taking morphine for it. She also has some bowel issues and that can get a little crazy in the middle of the night. I worry sometimes (usually in the middle of the night) about staying in this tiny place when it starts to get more chaotic. I have to admit, it does worry me. I appreciate not having to pay the rent on a second place, but I still worry about the space and getting more help. Hospice is currently coming once a week, and they are going to start sending home health aides in to help bathe her and stuff. I can do a lot, but obviously, I can't do it all... especially with the little ones. She is also a little ... I don't know if it's the morphine, or her hearing, or just her illness, but her comprehension of what is going on around her is a little slow sometimes too. I have to repeat things several times and say things very slowly sometimes.
She's not going anywhere yet though. If she can drive the little buggy around the grocery store, she's still doing okay. She just crashes when she gets home. I am trying not to let her do too much, but I also know she wants to get out a little. And I worry about getting the kids out, and leaving her alone too. I don't like the idea of leaving her alone for very long. *sigh* This is tough.

But I am trying to give her what she wants in her final days. That's more important to me than anything.


And David lost his first tooth. :D Nathan better put some piccies up soon, or momma might get mad. :)

*Mwah*

I'm Baaack...

Yup, not gonna make a big post right now, as it's the middle of the day and I have chaos- er- children to manage. I will try to update tonight. But for now...

Happy for Today...

Seriously.. watch it all...

Today's Happy...

Happy of the Day...

Mock Elections!?! :)

HAHAHAHA! David just came in totally upset! They had a mock election at the primary school today. He voted for Barack Obama cause his favorite children's book is Harry Potter and his favorite sport is basketball. :D But he was mad cause John McCain won the election at his school. I had to explain that a lot of Army kids have parents who like John McCain cause he was a soldier, and that's probably why. :P

Heehee. I told him he could stay up tonight and watch the real one with us. :)

For Fun...

I got tagged. You have to go to your 4th folder and pick your 4th picture...




Sammy Bammy's first Easter... 2007. What a cutie, huh!?! Who would have thought he would turn into a holy terror? :D Okay, he's not that bad, but he does live up to the name Sammity Calamity... at least once a day...

I tag EVERYONE!

The state of things...

So I was supposed to go pick up my son from school today and talk to his teacher about our options with his schooling and his leaving. Yeah, I forgot.

They just called, almost an hour after I was supposed to be there.

Nathan just ran out the door.

And THAT is the state of my brain, in case anyone was wondering.

Mh-hm...

I found an interesting website today. It's all stuff we basically knew already, but I found the section Prognosis very interesting.

Kidney cancer + Mets to the liver = SOL

Most of you already know about mom, which is why I haven't said much on here about it. I am just in the stages of preparing to go... it's very difficult trying to figure out what the best course of action is...

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000277.htm

So one of my imaginary online friends went to an NKOTB concert last night. We've been discussing it this morning. I think part of my 13 year old self just died a happy fangirl death vicariously. Seriously. I needed this today.

So I found this vid online of when they were in Houston last month. LOL. Ah, Frank, remember our little concert going adventure? :D

For old time's sake: (Wait, for it, wait for it... the dance is coming.... there it is... 00:45!!!!!)


Can I get a Woot Woot from all my inner-13 year old fangirls?

Just cause I needed a good smile this morning!

Halloween

Not too sure why we didn't get any individual shots of Ike Ike... hmmm. Oh well. It was fun. There weren't nearly as many houses giving out the goods as there were last year. That was a bummer, but they still got TONS of candy...